The only detailed review of Pizza Hut’s Birizza you will ever have to read

I was driving along JVLR in Mumbai for a meeting when I saw the Birizza advertisement just outside Pizza Hut in Hiranandani, Powai. I am a big fan of Pizza Hut’s Choco Chip Cookie Sundae and enjoy their pizza too, so even with the corny sounding name I decided to give it a try that evening with my wife and a close a friend.

A quick google search reveals that the human mouth contains about 10,000 taste buds and Birizza bitch-slapped each one of mine.

Here’s how it looks when you cut it open, it’s nothing like the sumptuous images seen on billboards and posters –

This dish does not do any justice to either the Italian or Indian cuisine, the rice inside was more disappointing than the bread crust it was covered with. The blandness was so over-whelming that it can put the worst Indian restaurant in Britain to shame. Adding gravy to the rice or eating it with the bread did not make the whole eating experience any richer.

The last nail in the coffin was the detailed instructions on the circular cutout around the pan, let’s call it the Birizza Torture Ring. Were the instructions meant to make the Birizza taste better? Including ‘flavourful’ and ‘enjoy’ within those instructions didn’t work, but it did manage to insult my intelligence.

This is probably what happens when top executives are either bored to death or frustrated when all their new product ideas are shot down due to boardroom politics or some bureaucratic procedure.

Here’s what I think Pizza Hut should do – go into damage control immediately by recalling this product and offer an apology to all those who have tasted this monstrosity.

My wife practically begged me to take her to enjoy truly flavourful Biryani at Garam Masala, Airoli as soon as I paid the bill, to help her get over the agonizingly terrible ‘Birizza’ experience.

For the guy at Pizza Hut who gave the final go ahead for this recipe, I am wearing this torture ring you serve with Birizza to repent for your sin. I hope other customers like me will forgive you for this monstrosity you’re rolling our of your kitchens.